Deeply Me

 There are lots of things that contributed to my mental health issues. I remember having anxiety issues since I was about five. So, that was good...Insert sarcasm here.

There have also been other contributing issues:

I am the adult child of an alcoholic. There was never peace in our home. There was a lot of walking on eggshells, fighting, tension, ruined holidays and birthdays. Yeah, it kind of sucked. The only happy home I had was when I moved in with my boyfriend. He happens to be my hubby now!!!

Now, on to the hard stuff.

I am a rape survivor. I was raped twice in my life. The second assault was particularly violent. It actually caused permanent damage to my brain. I was afraid to press charges, so I didn't. As you can imaging that is where the PTSD stems from. I know that I didn't do anything to cause this, but there is always a part of me that feels like I did do something to cause it. I'm hoping I can make that voice shut up and pound sand.

Then there was my breakdown.

I had stuffed everything down inside and didn't deal with any of it emotionally. I pushed all emotions down for the longest time. Then, as my therapist put it, it was like a soda bottle that had been shaken too much...It exploded in my face.

I had started having OCD symptoms. Then the anxiety came on with the panic attacks, and that led to hardly leaving the house in about ten years. A deep depression settled in and I was a dumpster fire. I developed chronic suicidal ideation. Well, I have been in therapy for about 10 years. I'd like to say everything is gone, but it isn't. My life is so much better now, though. I have great coping skills, medications that help immensely, and the therapy have all been amazing gifts!

I just wanted to share a bit about me. Yeah it may be a downer, and for that I am sorry. I just wanted to fill you in about what has happened, what I did, and the good that mental health care has done for me.

Reach out for help! It's there.